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How to Use Mirroring and Anchoring in 3 Easy Steps

Jul 302010

Our Brains are made up of complex stuff that we use to communicate with the world around us. How to use the Brain effectively is always a challenging problem. Imagine if you thought you didn’t need it,you’d need it to think that thought about not needing a Brain that thinks. That thought about not needing a brain would be important for you.Every thought is important to a human being,it helps us to confirm our existence and to communicate with other people.

How do we communicate?

During the 20th Century many fantastic discoveries were made about the Brain and it’s Capabilities. The problem was that the people who discovered these fantastic things, either didn’t feel that normal people should know about it or they themselves were often not in the position to articulate their findings in an understandable way. Have you ever tried to read Freud or Emanuel Kant? Those works are fascinating,mind boggling, often inaccessable writings of great minds that discovered and developed ideas that should have been very useful to the common people. Yet, the common people should accept that their brain wasn’t up to the task of understanding the thought processes of the uncommon minds that discovered useful things about the common mind. The Good News is that we now live in times where we have access to works that have been written and compiled by men and women who have kept their feet firmly on the earths’ surface and their head at the same level as the common people. The result is that we can now access powerful writings that make sense to the overloaded brains of the busy,hard working sentient beings of this Planet. Below are 3 simple ideas that you can take, understand quickly and implement into your daily life. They are solid techniques that are fun to practice and can greatly enhance the quality of your life.

Step 1 Mirroring a Person

Practice the art of Mirroring other people. Mirroring the people you talk to or find in your close environment creates rapport. When you build rapport with other people you strengthen communication with those people. To practice mirroring another person start with simple gestures. Watch how the person speaking to you uses non-verbal language to enhance the meaning of their expressions. Hand gestures are common and you can emulate the same hand gestures and facial expressions in conversations. Be reasonable about it. Avoid being obvious. Notice that if you are sincere and especially if you begin to mirror at the beginning of a conversation, your conversational partner will accept that they are your gestures. Remember that to mirror a person means to reflect their body language accurately. That means that if they raise their right hand to their face and you mirror this, your left hand will be raised. Just like in a mirror. When you mirror successfully the other person will identify with you and be less defensive. Mirroring is fascinating because you will get great results with a simple technique. Body language is complex and can be perceived as being the slightest movement or twitch in a persons body. The slight twitch of an eye means something in conversation. Which way did it move,left or right? Practice makes perfect and that leads to mirroring becoming an automatic response that can pick up the most minute details of language.

Step 2 Look into their Eyes

The eyes are the Windows of the Soul. Study peoples eye movements. Learning to notice where they place their eyes during conversation will help you to accurately anticipate what is about to be said and from where in the Brain the language is coming from. Imagine, You ask a person a question about their past experiences. You expect them to use their memory to recall something. When they think, their eyes should move to the left which is memory recall mode. Whilst they relate that experience to you , observe how their eyes will probably flick to the left quite often and occasionally, they will go right, right is constructing an idea. When this happens it is simply that they are filling in gaps of memory with what they think probably happened in the past. White lies to complete the story. Ask a friend to recall a memory and watch what happens. Then tell the friend what you are doing, namely observing memory recall through eye movement. You would think that he could out-wit you, he can’t because the reflex movements are so ingrained.

Step 3 Anchoring

To Deepen Rapport while in conversation you can use a technique called “anchoring”. You may find yourself in a satisfying conversation with a business partner or prospect who is beginning to open up to you. To strengthen rapport you could ask them to relate an interesting experience to you about something that is in context with the conversation. While they talk, listen precisly to what they are saying. Observe their body language and watch how it changes as they near the most enjoyable part of what they are telling you. They are experiencing emotional intensification as they speak. At that moment react to them with an invented signal of the hand or face. Make it something that doesn’t distract attention. You may want to raise your hand with only three fingers extended and the little finger bent into the palm. This helps you remember the position, lay your hand against your chest in a specific position. Do it naturally.You may find it good to practice alone beforehand. Do this exactly at the point when you observe hightened emotional expressions in the speaker. This will act as an Anchor. The speaker has noted it as part of the emotional experience and it is connected with his story,unconsciously. If you then return to your original business chat and during the conversation use the anchor signal when discussing important points or trying to close the deal, you will find that the other person will be more open and willing to agree and may even express glee at signing your contract. This is because the anchor will elicite feelings associated with the enjoyable story they told earlier. You may want to try these techniques. Practice them and then let me know how much success you had. Your comments are most welcome on this site and you may also wish to receive Free updates by using the email form in the top right corner. Sean

Live Now and Wake Up and Forget the Trivia of Life

Knowledge, posts

Jun 052010

To live now,to wake up and forget the trivia in our lives is a key goal of any healthy human being. I’m sure you agree.

Our problem is that we often forget this simple idea about Personal Development that could make life so much simpler for each and every one of us.

We hear the idea para -phrased in expressions and quotes all of the time, but become jaded by repetition. We need to live now and we need to learn how. To learn how is not difficult. Constant application of a simple idea is the key. We can plan our future, a business idea,an activity that will bring us joy or a new career but if Now is not right then the future will be a struggle.

Now is the most important moment in your life. I’m certain that you know this but do you actually use Now as if it were the only moment in your life? It is the only moment worth living, so lets live it to the full.

What do You do that makes You,you?

Who are you? Do you know? If you don’t know,then you must find out in order to live Your Life Now. Knowing yourself leads to answering questions about your life and its path. To know yourself is a power, a power that leads to happiness and health. And, if your path is money and finances,then it will lead to wealth,if your path is art then you will develop as an artist. Your Unique Self will show you the way. The way of least resistance.

To live now is to wake up to your surroundings and act in harmony with them – not against them. The path of least resistance is our unique self and our true happiness in life. I am not writing about “destiny”, I don’t really believe in the fairy-tale concept of that, I do believe that we shape ourselves to be a certain type of person and that shaping occurs as we go along in life. So, why not take command of it and ensure that you shape yourself as you believe you need to be.

Live Now

We can wake up and be resolved to live our lives to the full and in the moment in an instant. It’s just a decision to make and follow. Many years ago, after realising how important Art is to me, I decided to become an artist. A painter. I had been drawing and painting since childhood but thought of it as nothing more than fun. I also felt that it would foolish to attempt to become a painter, in this world,that is so dominated by money and commerce I felt that I would be sending myself down a road of poverty and misery. So, I had always avoided any discussions or decision making about painting as a vocation in life. I was wrong.

I was a butcher, a soldier, and a businessman. I always went for the short cut of making sure that I would get a pay packet or a profit at the end of the month. Life continued and I continued thinking about tomorrow and how it might change to become something more meaningful and fulfilling. I read books and studied courses to develop as a person. I drew pictures and put them in the cupboard. Nothing changed by itself. Nothing ever does until we take the right actions and make the right decisions.

The moment of truth

The day I decided to become an artist was an exciting and scary day. I really knew that I meant it, I really felt that I was throwing myself to the wolves in life. I am happy that I finally found, what I call, my true face. My unique self. Only myself and only good for myself, this way in life. I can’t tell others that it is great to be an artist therefore you must paint too! That is pointless and would be sending people off to the dogs. Your way in life is ascertained by who you are and what you have become. And, what you have become is Now. You must begin to live as you are now. To focus on this moment and all the components of self that make your perception of existence reveal the world of now as Your Now. Your now, is your reality. Work on it, embrace it and develop it as if it were your heart,mind and soul.

When we accept the moment as the only important time in our lives,then we can only but exist in that moment and work with the truth of the moment – not with concepts and plans and wishful thoughts about the past and future.

There are Times to Plan and Times to Act.

Trust is a an action that is often thwarted and misused in life. To trust another person is hard when we don’t know who they are. How can you trust yourself when you don’t know yourself?

We live in a world that is fast and hard. Showered by demands of all types and colours. Advertising,friends and enemies,strangers etc all want to give and take with us. Our minds are bombarded with information that promises us something, that it will enrich us and make us happy. Absolute strangers, through the power of advertising reach your mind and tell you that they own a product that will make you happy, make life easier, make things simple and they think it would be cool if you bought it.

Happiness,ease and simplicity. You will find it in your own mind and in your true self, just get to know who you are are and begin to live who you are now. Practice the continuity of extending now so that it doesn’t break and become a series of moments that are past and futures rather than always now. Act in the moment and forget the future and the past and you will discover a power within yourself that gives you happiness,ease and simplicity. You will simply become you and you will trust yourself then you will begin to taste happiness.

To paint is a wonderful experience that has always made me happy and has given me true inner peace – even when I battle with a painting I am living life fully in the moment, nothing else matters and the simplicity of intense ,focused thought calms my mind. When I paint in my studio and stand before a large canvas, alone,fully involved I feel as if I am on the Throne of Life itself and wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else in the world.

If you have read all of the article, thank you, if you now feel like doing something other than reading,like drink coffee or meet friends, then do it it in the moment, in the now and feel how wonderful it is to exist now.

Self Development and the Power of Concentration

Relaxation, posts

Jun 022010

Self Development and Concentration go and in hand as two compliments that support each other.

Many years ago, when I first began to take an interest in Self Development the Power of Concentration and its effect on the mind began to interest me enormously.

To have the ability to concentrate the mind on anything you wish to is the key to having control over your mind. It isn’t the only power of your mind that should be developed,there are other things of importance but the Power that Concentration affords you is phenomenal.

Imagine being able to focus on anything you wish, to be able to choose which thoughts to entertain and which ones to dispense with and ignore totally. Well, I’ll tell you that it’s a wonderful feeling and an extremely powerful concept.

How long can you hold your concentration for? You probably believe that you have good concentration and you can focus on an idea or an object for a long period. The chances are that you can’t.

Try it. Think of something and attempt to focus, concentrate and hold the idea of the object firmly in your mind for longer than one minute.

Okay, that was difficult you will admit – if you’re honest. Try five seconds. Try to monitor what happens when during your attempt. Discover that within a few short seconds other thoughts break in and destroy your concentration immediately. Big problem.

The point is that most us don’t realise that we have never devloped the power to concentrate on an idea or an object in away that is really focused. If we could focus then our lives would change and we would experience tremendous benefits.

When I first began to practice Concentration Techniques I was 16 years old. I read many books about it. Some where extremely informative and some where simple rehashes of other books. I did glean a lot of information from books and I put them to the test. That was many years ago and my powers of concentration developed to degree that astonished me. It was the practice of the techniques that caused the change in my abilities to think.The books were nothing more than information -reading doesn’t increase the sort of focus that I’m talking about.

Imagine being able to hold and idea firmly in your mind. To be able to think clearly about one subject for as long as you desired. What sort of result do you think it would bring?

You would have a clarity of understanding and comprehension way beyond the normal scatter brained activity of some people. It would be as to have a power that only comes to those who work towards it through practice. Practice is the key. I don’t have enough room here to give all the details of how to concentrate because you should really inform yourself deeply about it if you wish to obtain the sort of concentration you would like to have. I would rather tell you now about the benefits and the basic practice. then encourage you to think about practicing it maybe even start to practice.

I’m going to leave a list below with links to books which can give solid information and guidance on concentration techniques. First though, a small list of ideas that could answer one or two questions about concentration.

How long does it take to learn or benefit from? That depends on the person and practice. With me I was always thinking about “how long?” then one day, about six months later I realised that I gained quite strong concentration. I could focus and dwell longer on ideas without stressful effort. I noticed that regardless of noisy surroundings I could think clearly and not be distracted so easily. Relaxation was easier and I had an enormous sense of self-control.
How do you practice? By focusing on an object or thought for as long as possible. A thought process like counting is good, practice counting and simply concentrate on the numbers as you do. A beginner may aim at ten but find that thoughts distract at number three or five. At number ten you are probably not really counting anymore but have drifted off into dreamy thoughts. Practice improves this.
How often should You practice? Everyday, continuity is important to developing the mind. Five to ten minutes a day at first will be fine, later you will find what’s good for you. then you will naturally discover the joy in it and practice at every opportunity, like walking along the street or sitting on a bus etc. Counting, walking, looking at art all offer opportunities to practice concentration techniques.

A Guide to Zen: Lessons from a Modern Master

Zen-Training